Brandi Leigh

Happy BIRTHDAY beautiful…ohhh this day has come again, this day I admit I often dread. This day I want to celebrate without sorrow, this day when I gave you life and kissed your tiny head…until tomorrow.
So many years ago you made me a mother, but then I lost you and life was empty and cold.
There was a happy ending even still…
Today I’m in awe that you would here be turning 36 years old.
Life on earth wasn’t meant for you, here to be. Though I’ve kept you safe in my heart I will forever yearn for your face to see, to feel your soft cheeks again and hold your tiny hands. To kiss you one more time like when your life first began. If only I’d known, I can’t even think there anymore…it’s why sometimes I can’t breathe, it’s why I get lost walking on a sandy shore. I’m still looking for you wishing I hadn’t said it’s okay. This day.

3am still wakes me and takes me back to when I was all alone. It’s still why I cringe and scream when I receive hurt through the ring of a phone.
Still…I am reminded losing you brought me more love than I could have ever known.
So wait for me in Heaven and keep the gates open wide, because when we meet again my tiny angel I’ll never let you leave my side.

Everlasting love

I have loved you with an everlasting love yet in the mist of my Brokenness you’ve shattered my heart even more.

In Grief, dont forget about sharing.

Don’t let your burdens become so heavy that you forget the love you shared.

Hold tight to that love and the load you bare will become lighter.

Let those who love you be that support.

Let those you love know you are not okay, because it’s okay to let go and not always be strong.

Embrace that you are not alone, you are in need of love, you are need of a listening ear. Feel free to say don’t try to fix me, I just need you to listen.

Open your grief to love and reclaim your ability to be loved.

And share that with all that surround you.

Just words, I think not

You can’t do this on your own, you feel lost and all alone, there’s pain you can’t contain. You feel down and overcome, from all the damage that’s been done, you feel broken and confused, heart pressed, distressed, worthless… what can you do?

These are the words I wish that I had said more of to you…

Trust the FATHER and the Son, Holy Spirit, all in one! Turn to Jesus, turn to Jesus, turn to him and pray!

It’s torn you to your core, you can’t remember who you were before, you think why, how could this be, how did this thing happen to me? Your thoughts race out of control and it burns you to your soul!

I’ve cried until I can’t cry anymore, but I will always remember who you were before.

Life has continued on, but it hasn’t been any better without you.

At times we feel lost and all alone. That pain you couldn’t contain, we’re struggling to overcome, the damage that was done. We feel broken, confused, heart pressed…helpless!

What would you have us do, in all our despair, the pain you left us; just to say it’s not there…

So to all you left behind, I hope you’ll know words can be so much more than just kind. With all that I am and all that I will be, know this…I hope these words burn into your thoughts each and every day and you remember to live, love, and trust the FATHER & The Son, Holy Spirit, all in one, then turn to Jesus and pray!

Losing at Loss

Life is not a fairytale-

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Pain is inevitable and most of that which we often experience we cause ourselves.

We have absolute free will.

Don’t fail your feelings.

Let it out-let it go, release your tears, pour out your heart, release your grief, cry out, yell, kick, scream even be angry.

Anger in loss is healthy; just don’t stay angry for too long.

Most importantly don’t spend too much time alone.

As much as you think you need to be lonely – don’t.

We need others to grieve greatly with, there’s always someone willing to be there and help you work through your pain.

Choose not to lose.

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Choosing at Love

Love what you have left.

Even from all that you have lost you can love so much more, all that you still have!

Enjoy each new day although you still are in grief.

Don’t let the enemy of love win at being a thief.

Love what is right in your reach. Choose to be happy, use your loss to heal, comfort and teach.

There will, be days of sadness still, and longing for those no longer with you. In those times remember to Love and not be bitter, remember to choose.

Remember losing is painful but in your loss don’t let it claim you-

Love doesn’t win in a quitter.

Choose.

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dmaes

Saved for Greatness

Don’t wait until someone you love is gone to say how great they were.

People need love and approval even when they are pushing away, uneasy, obnoxious, harder-to-love and just plain difficult.

The hardest thing I have personally learned is I can’t save everyone, yet the pain of that is often lessened by remembrance of the ones I did.

Hardest of all; is to also accept I need saving first.

Greatness still awaits…

Raising the Dead

I stood front row watching still in such disbelief as my only son lifted the casket of his lifelong best friend to be carried one final time.

My heart was no longer broken it became shattered.

How could this be, is this what all those times he stood for others prepared him for?

Is this the gates of hell, why not Heaven’s Door?

My heart is bleeding, the pain now emptied out onto the lost sight of the floor.

Can all the words of wisdom and love and strength I raised him to know ring louder, Evermore?

Forget me Not

How could you, why did you, why did you give up??!! why!??